you had really bad black roots with bleach blonde hair. you had a large tattoo of the name Jayson scrawled across your bicep. you were dressed very scantily. you were really nice and sincere and polite and you made me think.

when the manager got hateful with you over her mistake, you were polite and kind. you asked about Claire and how old she was. you said she was so pretty and sweet. you then asked about my other kids (I had diapers in the cart). i told you their ages and you smiled. you had a pretty smile. you started telling me about how the DHS took your babies because their daddy was a bad man and you might not ever get them back. But, I'm sure trying! you said.

i didn't know what to say to you then. i felt so inadequate with no words for your pain. even calling myself a christian, i still make snap judgements based on how people are dressed or just whatever. that makes me sad. i wish that i could have helped you. i wish that i could have given you some encouragement. i wish i were better at things like that. i wish i were stronger.

claire did give you a piece of her candy and told you not to be sad. i told you it was very nice to meet you. i wish i would have done more. i wish...

so for now, i go to read my bible and work on my self. work on my poor attitude. work on my "christianity". in my safe little house with my wonderful husband and my babies that are safe under our roof. safe from DHS and hunger. babies that know they are loved. i hope.

maybe you don't get this. i don't know why i am writing. i just felt the need to write.

have a blessed night. may God be with all of you that read this and especially you, my new friend whom i may never see again. may God watch over you and your precious children.

*about the lack of capital letters and punctuation, i am just tired and weary and don't really feel like doing it. i'll do better next time. :)

~julie