a renewing of the mind.....

Depression, bitterness, anger, fear, rejection, hopelessness, loneliness, rebellion, temptation, evil, and many diseases all begin in the mind. These things can control your life unless you take control of your mind first. -Stormie OMartian (The Power of a Praying Wife, Pg. 88)


I really have been allowing my mind to go to that depressed and worried and hopeless and angry place lately. I have been struggling so much with my parenting and my marriage. Don't misunderstand me, I am completely dedicated to being in my marriage. I am completely dedicated to raising my children in the Lord. However, oftentimes, I find my mind being attacked by the enemy. I find myself doubting all the good things I am doing by praying for my husband, taking care of his needs and those of my children. I feel like my value is zero. I feel depleted and worthless and like God should have called someone else to do these jobs. God should have given this husband and these babies to someone more worthy, more organized, and definitely someone more calm and patient!!

That's the enemy's plan, though. To attack me where I am most vulnerable. To attack where it hurts the most, my duties as a wife and mother. To knock me to my knees as I try so very hard some days just to stand. He attacks me with thoughts of failure, with exhaustion, with anger, with selfishness, justification, and bitterness. He gives me depression, migraine headaches and sadness. But, I am not blameless in this, I allow it all. I choose to allow him in. And, that, my friends, is where I am a failure. THAT. Not my marriage, not my parenting but the fact that I choose to allow satan a foothold in my life. I give him an "in".

I don't spend the necessary time with God to renew my mind. It's hard to find the truth when your mind has not been renewed. If you don't renew your mind, then you begin to believe the lie and when you believe the lie, you often live it out. I believe that I am not a good wife and mother. I believe that I am a failure because I allow those thoughts to enter in my mind. Those thoughts constantly have to be thrown out or I will never be able to fully live in the truth.

"throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes." Ephesians 4:22-23

*not to say that depression is just of satan and that we should just be able to "shake it off". I, coming from a long line of depression, completely understand that sometimes you must take medication to be better. I am not sure if I am there yet. It is something I am honestly considering. Please be in prayer for me and my family as I give this life long struggle to the Lord. Thank you.

~Jules